Safe
by michallev
Summary: Episode tag to Yes Man. Simmons runs into Ward after his ordeal with Lorelei and something is very wrong. Contains spoilers and mentions of sexual assault.


A/N - I had to write something after Yes Man. It seemed to me that the writers completely missed interpreted the hotel scene between Ward and Lorelei. There is no other way to describe what happened between them, other than sexual assault. I mean there is no difference between Ward having sex with Lorelei while having no control over himself, and a girl that is being roofied at a bar. I hope guys that have been victimized in this way will not be ashamed after watching this episode. I know this is a very sensitive subject and hope this Fic will it justice. -

The bus was quiet as Simmons made her way through the long corridors heading towards the small kitchenette they all shared. She wanted to make herself a cup of tea before she headed to bed. It always calmed her down when things got a little too intense. It reminded her of home. Fitz knew this and usually he would have made her a cup and brought it over to her bunk (a ritual they have had since the early days in the Academy), but he was sleeping off the effects of Lorelei and she didn't want to bother him.

It was almost too quiet. Sky was still in the infirmary, she hoped. Sky would never admit it to anybody, but even the little excitements of the day and hacking into Ward's private files, accounts and information, left her exhausted. Simmons was the one in charge of Sky's medical care, so she couldn't fool her even if she tried. But in the end of the day when everybody was accounted for and safe, when Lady Sif and Lorelei departed from the Bus, Sky was too worn down to argue the differ. She let Simmons draw some more blood and run some tests and then just said she was tired and went to bed.

Simmons then went to check on Fitz, who mentioned he was a bit queasy now that the effects were wearing off. He said it felt like being a little hungover. She just wanted to make sure he was fine, so she insisted he'd be checked in the lab. She gave him a once-over and then cleared him as fit for duty. He just needed to rest, she told him, and drink plenty of fluids. After that she finally allowed herself to relax a little and that's why she was headed to the kitchenette to make her a cup of tea.

And that's when she noticed Ward.

He was standing in the small living room area holding a broom, trying, it seemed, to clean the glass that was still scattered all over the floor.

She was immediately ashamed she didn't think about him before. It's different when it comes to Coulson, May and Ward that it is with her, Fitz and Sky. Coulson, May and Ward can fend for themselves. They can defend themselves. She sometimes forgets that they need to be taken care of too sometimes.

If Fitz was feeling a little sick because of the effects of being controlled by Lorelei, she can only imagine what Ward must be feeling. He had being controlled longer so the effects must be more severe. He seemed physically fine from a far, but something about him made her feel unease.

The way he was holding himself. Slightly bent forward and favoring his right side made her think he was hurt more than he let on. But what worried her more was the fact that he hadn't noticed her yet. It wasn't like him. He was always sort of tense, alert. When the Bus was this quiet he would usually detect her the minute she went upstairs from the lab. It wasn't like him to be so absorbed in his work to not notice that she was standing less than five feet away.

She continued watching him as he swept the floor and tossed the broken glass into a rubbish bin he had probably brought from the kitchen. Ward stopped for a second and put the broom aside. Simmons first thought he was finally done, or that he had noticed her at last, but he simply continued picking the shards of glass with his hands. He picked up a large piece of glass and froze for a second and she was almost certain he finally found out she was there staring at him. But he didn't acknowledge her and when she took a good look at him she could see that his eyes were glazed over and not really focused. Maybe it's the aftermath of Lerelei's control, but she wasn't so sure.

He clenched the glass in his left hand and took a shaddering breath. He looked up at the ceiling and shut his eyes tight. Simmons could clearly see his jaw clenching and when she looked at his hands she saw that his knuckles were almost white. That's when she noticed blood dripping from his left hand which was still holding the glass. Ward didn't even seem to notice.

"Oh dear god" she finally said as she approached him, her accent even thicker than usual, the way it always gets when she's nervous or scared. "Ward…. your hand.", she continued and gestured towards his hand with a slight nod, when he didn't respond. She reached out and grabbed his left hand, physically unclenching his fist."This will require stitches" she said softly. He opened his eyes and looked at her for the first time since she spotted him.

"Simmons… ah… what are you…?" he stammered and looked down at his left hand which she was examining cut was quite deep and the glass was still embedded in his palm. "When did this happen?" He didn't even feel it. He didn't really feel anything at this point. "It didn't hurt…" he said, barely above a whisper.

She let go of his hand all of a sudden. "Wait here" she instructed and left without waiting for his response. The first and only sensation he had, since the he spotted Lorelei at the gas station, was the cold of her absent hand touching his own. But she quickly returned with a small towel from the kitchenette. Ward was just where she had left him, staring into nothing, his left arm dangling at his side and blood still dripping onto the floor. At first she thought he didn't even move but then she noticed that the glass was no longer sticking out of his hand. He must have taken it out, which caused it to bleed more.

She picked up his hand again. She gently bent his arm at the elbow, elevating his hand to slow the bleeding and pressed the towel to the wound in his palm. He didn't even flinch and she wasn't sure if he even felt it. But when she tried to guide him back to the lab he suddenly resisted. "No… wait…." he said in a low almost panicked voice. "I have to… I have to clean up my mess… I have to.." he said and to her horror she noticed his breathing was getting faster and faster and more erratic. If she didn't know better she would say he was having a mild panic attack. But this was Ward. He doesn't panic. Ever.

"It's okay." she said calmly. "We'll come back and clean up after I take care of your hand, okay?" she assured him and backed away even more. He wasn't showing much resistance this second time but he looked behind him at the damage he and May had caused during their fight. It was quite extensive she had to admit. "It's no use if you clean up the broken glass only to stain the carpet with blood.. " She tried to reason with him and it seemed to work. Simmons kept her left hand over his left injured one and her right hand on the small of his back guiding him down the stairs and into the lab. He was shaking. She felt it though his clothes and heard it in his breathing, which, though much slower now was still a bit fast and irregular.

What the hell happened to him? Was this because of his fight with May? Or because of being controlled by Lorelei. And if this is because of Lerelei, was Fitz okay all alone in his bunk? It wasn't fair to Ward but she couldn't help it. Even though Ward was clearly hurt and somewhat in shock right there beside her, she still worried more from the mere possibility that there's something similarly wrong with Fitz. But she couldn't leave Ward injured and vulnerable like this all alone just to go and check up on her best friend. So she'd just have to concentrate on Ward for the time being, he needed her and she is not the kind of girl to abandon a friend in need.

She led him inside and he sat at one of the steel chairs that were really uncomfortable in Simmons' opinion. She then grabbed another chair and a few supplies from the cupboard and sat across from him, trying to get his attention. He didn't utter a word. She took his left hand and gently applied antiseptic with a piece of gauze and then injected some anesthetic.

"It will take a few minutes until it kicks in" She said. She didn't really know what else to say to him. Something about him was just disconcerting. The way he wasn't talking or the way his eyes were a bit glazed and not really focusing on her. She had the feeling that something was wrong. Really wrong.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?" She asked a bit afraid of his answer. He didn't respond at first.. "Ward…" she tapped him gently on the shoulder "Are you hurt anywhere else?" She repeated.

He slowly turned to her and looked up, his eyes a bit more focused for the first time. and finally he spoke "I'm not…" he had to stop and clear his throat. "I'm not sure" he said quietly, sounding a bit ashamed.

"Okay. Take off your shirt." She instructed. He didn't move. "It's not the first time I've seen you topless…" She said, misinterpreting his silence for shyness. He finally started moving getting his shirt off, but he still had this weird look on his face. "Fine.. Fine.. I won't look" She said and turned away from him holding her hands up in surrender.

The lab was silent for the next few minutes, except for the occasional hiss of pain from Ward, which Simmons ignored since it was clear he was trying to mask it as best as he could. "Is everything okay?" she asked when a few minutes had passed and Ward still didn't say anything to let her know she can turn around and get on with his checkup. "Ward…?" She repeated.

"I'm good" he finally said, but as she turned around she could clearly see he was anything but okay. He only managed to take the shirt off from his left arm, and now it hung loosely around his right shoulder, but at least he kept his left arm bent and slightly elevated. The first thing she noticed was that his eyes were glassy and unfocused again and the shaking was worse. She could clearly see the tremors going through his body every few seconds. The next thing that worried her was the bruising. Most of Ward's torso was covered with blossoming black and purple bruising, which indicated blunt trauma. He must have broken or at least cracked a few ribs. It must have been one hell of a fight, she thought.

She removed his shirt altogether and gently pressed over some of the more vivid bruising, which caused Ward to flinch. But at least he was feeling pain, which means that the shock was starting to wear off. She then attached him to electores and grabbed her tablet, focusing on the numbers and data she was getting. Ward's heart rate was a bit too fast, but she didn't need any instrument to tell her that. Other than that, his vitals seemed fine.

She then scanned over his torso, checking for any fractures. He indeed had broken a couple of ribs, and his right collarbone was broken as well, which explained why he wasn't able to fully remove his shirt on his own. There wasn't much she could do about his broken ribs and collarbone other than to wrap it she removed the electrodes and shutdown the tablet and wrapped his ribs as tightly as she could while allowing him to breath freely. She then helped him to put his shirt back on, and put his right arm in a sling, securing it to his body, in order to set his collarbone.

She then stirred Ward back to the chair and grabbed the suturing kit from one of the drawers. "Do you feel this?" she asked as she gently probed around the wound with a needle, to make sure the anesthesia kicked in. He wasn't even looking at his hand and didn't respond at first. "Hey…" she repeated quietly as she gently squeezed his left shoulder and looked him directly in his eyes. She wanted to ask what was wrong, but she controlled herself. There will be plenty of time for that later. The cut in his left hand was more urgent. "Ward… I need you to tell me if it hurts, so I'll know if it's okay for me to stitch your hand, okay?" she said slowly, explaining the process like to a child.

"Mmmm" he cleared his throat again. "It's fine. I don't feel anything" he finally said, and Simmons knew he wasn't just talking about the cut in his hand. She didn't press on, but just put on a pair of blue surgical gloves and continued with stitching his hand and then wrapping it with some gauze. "You'll need to keep this dry for 5 days or so.." she said when she was done, while removing her surgical gloves and throwing them to the nearest bin.

"Jemma…?" Ward said so quietly she wasn't even sure she heard him correctly. "Could you run some more tests?" he asked timidly. "

It's fine. everything seemed vitals are well within normal range-" she started to explain but he interrupted her.

"I need you to run some more tests.." he said more firmly. "

What sort of tests?" she asked suspiciously.

"I…" he started "We… Lorelei and I…." he stopped to take a deep breath and closed his eyes momentarily, not wanting to see her as he utters the words he was fearing so much, out loud. "I slept with her…" he finally confessed.

"Oh God" she said and immediately knew it was the wrong thing to say as his face darkened momentarily and then he looked down, ashamed of himself. "That's not what I meant" she felt the need to explain.

She sat on a chair across from him and slightly bent to catch his eye placing her hands over his left injured one. "Grant.." She started and he looked up for a second, surprised that she had used his first name, before averting his eyes again. "You did nothing wrong…". He found that hard to believe.

"I wanted it…" he said desperately. He had to explain, she has to understand.

"You did nothing wrong…" She repeated.

"But I -" He started to argue.

"Listen to me." Simmons said assertively. "She controlled your mind. You didn't want this. You just could resist her." She continued, but Ward still hadn't looked up from the floor. "This is not your fault." she said for the third time.

"I wanted her." He said, his voice cracking a little. He sounded so broken it nearly broke her heart.

"I really did want her…" "You were sexually assaulted. This wasn't your fault." That sentence finally got his attention, as he looked up at her.

"I wasn't…" he started. "How could I be… I wanted…." he was starting to hyperventilate again.

"Grant, listen to me. You did nothing wrong. You didn't want this. She controlled your mind making you want her. You couldn't resist her and she took advantage of that." She thought she was finally getting to him, making him realize he was the victim and that it wasn't his fault, when he bolted from the chair suddenly, pushing her out of the way. She thought he was going to run out of the lab, but to her surprise he started retching violently into the sink by the door. She saw his back muscles clenching and unclenching and then clenching again, which must be agony with broken ribs, she thought. She could also see sweat breaking on his brow from the effort and soaking his shirt.

She waited for him to finish and after a few minutes he finally stretched up, groaning slightly in pain. She handed him a cup of water, which he used to rinse his mouth and then turned slowly to look at her. To really look at her, since she had first seen him after everything that happened that day, almost and hour ago. He was still shaking, but he didn't' have that shell shock expression any more. Only sadness and something else she couldn't quite determine. embarrassment maybe.

"I failed…" He said and she didn't interrupt him this time. She had the feeling he needed to get it out. To utter the words out loud. "I failed you… all of you. I'm supposed to protect…" He stopped to take a deep breath. "If I can't even protect myself, how can I… How can I protect you guys?" He finished and she finally got it, why this was bothering him so much, other than for the obvious reasons, that means. Ward is the protector. He's the one in charge of keeping them safe. He is not used to being the victim, especially in such a horrible way.

She didn't know what else to say, so she just came closer and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him closely, minded of his injuries. Her head resting just over his heart. He tensed at first but then relaxed and hugged her back.

"Well, I don't know, agent Ward, I feel pretty safe right now." She said and hoped that it was enough.


End file.
